We'll Bring the World Our Truth

No. This isn't a missionary blog post...although if I knew what was good for me, it would be. But no. I feel this has to be addressed.

I was recently having a discussion with a friend about a most disconcerting trend that is slowly taking over our collective consciousness. I, myself, am not immune. Upon making this realization, I posed the question to my friend, "When will the madness end?!" and he responded, "They won't stop until the entire earth is covered."

That made me think of the glorious, albeit singular and ambitious work of environmental artists Christo and Jeanne-Claude, who frequently cover large edifices or landscapes in fabric.


What could we possibly be discussing, you ask? What else? Snuggies, of course! Now, let me be perfectly clear. I love Snuggies. I purchased two for my parents as Christmas gifts last year and two for myself. Admittedly, the two for myself were an unintentional purchase, but (and I think my roommates will concur) they are fantastic! They are every bit as cozy and warm and snuggly as advertised. Inane, though they are, the Snuggie really is useful.

What concerns me is the craze that has been spreading rapidly behind this phenomenon or, dare I say, movement. Hm...concerns may be too strong a word...but I don't know of an adjective that simultaneously means concerned and amused. (Wordsmiths? A little help?) Come to think of it...add awed to that word too. Snuggies started out as just your average informercial marketing scheme, a la the Bumpit, the Ab Rocket, and the Bedazzler. (I'm not necessarily endorsing any of these products, but if they want to send me free stuff for advertising for them, how could I refuse?) After only a very short time span, Snuggies had sold over 4 million units and had a waiting list for people who wanted their Snuggies. In fact, my parents and I had to wait about a month or more before our Snuggies arrived! So, okay. Kudos to them. Way to go, little entrepreneur! But now the growing product line is getting a little more disturbing. Follow the trend here, will you?

We began with this:



And then we came to this:



(Who can argue with the genius of such dialogue: "Just put, put, PUT your arms through and see what you can do!" or my personal favorite "Don't bug me. I'm wearin' my Snuggie!")

What's next? The only natural conclusion, of course, is this:



I'm not sure who was/is in charge of the script-writing, direction, etc. for these infomercials, but in my opinion they were just begging to either inspire a cult following or to be spoofed. I mean, come on now. Whose idea was it to have a kid doing the macarena? All joking aside, you really do have to hand it to the entrepreneurs behind this craze. They have obviously embraced the kitsch-factor and run with it all the way to the bank! And you have to have a pretty healthy sense of humor to hold your own fashion show in the heart of fashion central New York City during Fashion Week! So kudos to them and kudos to those of you who own Snuggies. We can form our own cult/fan club and hold monthly meetings where we read books, enjoy a snack, or attend outdoor sporting events! Who's with me?

Oh...and for those new moms concerned about taking their new babies out in the cold weather...we've got you (and your baby) covered.

The Bog of Burnsie

I want you to imagine the worst thing that you have ever smelled. No...worse. Got it? Now triple it. Quadruple it. That is what the inside of my car currently smells like. It's like the Bog of Eternal Stench got together with every landfill, decaying roadkill carcass and your stinky, little brother to spawn the most unimaginable funk known to man. Noxious, deadly, poisonous, lethal, toxic, putrid, malodorous, reeking, foul, rank, squalid, decaying, fetid. Nearly fatal, at one whiff it will put you into a hundred year coma. Smelled peripherally, it will merely knock you unconscious for several hours...possibly days and make you incapable of eating for weeks afterward. What's worse…my hands still stink - after vigorous scrubbings and repeated sprays of Glade Fabric & Air, they still stink. You never realize just how many times your hands come near your face until they resemble the odorous equivalent to mass genocide.

How? How is something of this magnitude possible? Would you believe that instead of a can of whoop-a#$, this morning I opened a can of death? As is my usual morning routine, on my way out the door, I grabbed a banana and my can of Safeway brand Weight Loss Shake. As I sat at the light, waiting to turn left out of my neighborhood, I shook up my can and popped it open. Imagine my surprise when it started to fizz and bubble, pouring over the edges like a bad science experiment.

What the? I was immediately greeted by just the edges of a new smell, but it was one I couldn't imagine coming from this can. It didn't smell like bad milk product. Instead it started first as an almost sweet smell and then rapidly progressed to an acrid, deathly gag-inducing cloud of putrescence*. Thankfully, I quickly came to another light, so I was able to open my door and pour the remaining offensive liquid onto the pavement. Unfortunately, I was still left was the offending can and the aftermath of the spillover on my floor mat, drive shaft area and even my pants. I drove the rest of the way with my windows down, but was still unable to breathe through my nose. Oh. I should also mention this. Honestly, I don't know what possessed me, but I kind of think it's a slightly human reaction to just "want to be sure". Because I still didn't quite believe that such an astonishing smell could come from my innocent can of liquid breakfast, I lifted the can to my nose and took a swift sniff. Now, I have a fairly strong stomach. I don't get car-sick. Gross stories don't literally make me want to lose my lunch...but this...ugh. It took an inconceivable amount of control NOT to vomit on my dashboard. But yes. I know. I asked for that one*.

I knew that I couldn't just get to work, abandon my car and run into work, so I called in and told them I'd be late and stopped at the first grocery store I could find. I have now employed the use of some heavy-duty fabric cleaner, 3 liters of water, a scrub brush and about half a bottle of Glade Fabric & Air. Pray for my car, folks. Pray for it. I'm actually afraid that when I get to my car after work, the noxious fumes will have reduced it to nothing more than a slightly steaming hole in the ground. So pray for Burnsie, folks. Also, if you can suggest a place that does good interior detailing for cars, I would be much obliged!

* Thank you Princess Bride.

**Does anyone remember the sketch on SNL with the family sitting around the table and one person opens the carton of milk and goes, "Oh man! This milk is bad! Smell it!" He passes it to the next person who smells it, makes a similar exclamation and thus it is passed from one person to the next...they follow w/ other things like, a broken chair - "Ow! This chair is broken! Sit in it!", etc. If had could have found a clip of it somewhere, believe I would have posted it here! But what on earth IS it about stuff like this, that we have to be sure or seek a second opinion? We humans are weird.

Pictures Worth a Thousand Words

A number of things have sparked my interest in writing this post, but it's mostly meant to be a visual. I was just reminiscing about some of my favorite books as a child and why they were my favorite books. As is well-documented here, I'm a major pushover for a good story, but I'm equally swayed by a moving illustration or picture. So often, pictures tell parts of the story that words or our own imaginations cannot...or they simply enhance our own imaginations. So w/out further ado, here are some of my favorite illustrators. Who are some of yours?

P.J. Lynch
Hands down my favorite illustrator. I will buy just about anything if he has illustrated it. Plus he's Irish. Plus I heard him speak at a BYU Symposium for Young Readers a few years ago and he's delightful!


As if his rich and beautiful use of color and detail isn't enough, he also alluded to one of my all-time favorite paintings (Gustav Klimt's "The Kiss" - picture on the right) in his illustration of my all-time favorite fairytale, "East O' the Sun, West O' the Moon"(picture on the left).












Is anybody swooning yet? Because you really should be.


Marilee Heyer

Heyer also illustrates a lot of really wonderful folk and fairy tales. The cover below is of a book that I bought purely for the pictures and ended up loving the story. I've also had a long love affair with Asian books/stories, so it had me at hello. I love how her pictures are sweeping, graceful and intensely intricate. I love detail. LOVE IT. Some of her books beg for you to spend hours just staring at her pictures...which I will neither deny nor confirm doing. Another book of hers that I'm fond of is The Girl, The Fish, & The Crown. Simply lovely illustrations.


















Trina Schart Hyman

Hyman's illustrations evoke something of the 70s to me. I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe it has something to do w/ her pictures being somewhere in the middle between sketch and painting or the heaviness of her lines...but it just feels like my early childhood. Hm...not that I think of my early childhood as being somewhere between sketch and painting, nor did it have heavy lines...but well...her pictures just make me feel that way, okay? She also has lovely, graceful lines and delicate details. Her style is distinctive and memorable. I love it. I own this copy of Snow White, which was also purchased solely for the illustrations.
















Maurice Sendak

How could I have a list of illustrators without mentioning Sendak? Some of the most vivid images from my childhood originated in his imagination. Where the Wild Things Are & Outside Over There are two of the most vivid for me. Sendak is so talented at evoking a sense of fantasy and mixing in a bit of melancholy, eeriness and something uniquely beautiful. In short, I love his artwork and I love his stories. What more do I need to say, really?

















Leo Lionni/Eric Carle

I combine these two because something about their affinity for collage-ish/cut-out artwork makes me want to group them together. Also, I'm getting tired of writing, so I just wanted to make this go a bit faster. Also...they kind of look a little alike, don't you think? Lionni's character, Frederick, is one of my very favorite characters from my childhood. Perhaps I loved him so much because I was a daydreamer too. And what's not to love in such a sweet, adorable, unique little mouse made of paper?

Carle's pictures aren't quite as dear to my heart, because he didn't create actual characters, just illustrations. However, there is no denying that his illustrations are bright, cheerful and very memorable, which is why I've included him here.


















Dare Wright

Who says that illustrations always have to be paintings or drawings? These books have been stuck in my subconscious for as long as I can remember. My mom checked them out from the library for me when I was a little girl and I must have asked for them a thousand times after that. I was at least 80% convinced that because they were photographs, they were real. This little doll lived alone in a house w/ two stuff bears...and I was totally enamored with the idea. There is melancholy and loneliness in a lot of these pictures. (I'm noticing a trend w/ my attraction to illustrations/stories...) Being separated from my parents as a little girl was my greatest fear, so I think I was both horrified by the visual reality of such a thing and enchanted by the thought that even if that were to happen, someone/something might come along to care for and love me. Like a couple of teddy bears. Don't judge. They're special books, okay? And I still love them.
















So what books do you remember most from your childhood (or after) because of the illustrations?