1. The overly confident, beautiful guys who know they're beautiful and walk up to me breathing testosterone into each word they utter with phrases like, "I know you want me. Why don't you just have my babies right now?" To which my response is invariably, "Barf! Can you lean your head back so I can more easily punch you in the throat?"Or
2. The super nice, sweet, innocent, good guy that is about as exciting as paper. To which my response is, "Do you have anything
sharp in your pocket? I want to see how quickly I can slit my own wrists and bleed out."Why does it seem too much to ask to find a guy who is capable of making me laugh - not smile, not simper, not occasionally chuckle...I mean full on laugh my guts out, guffaw! Now I don't require that he make me laugh that hard all the time, of course, just knowing he has that ability is enough. There are plenty of amusing guys out there, it's true. I can smile or even laugh at them (or with them, rather), but my heart isn't in it. Correction, my brain isn't in it.
I'm not saying I'm some kind of philosophical genius that is so far above mere mortal humor that I cannot find any amusement in the things people say or do. FAR from it. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to laugh and that I can laugh quite easily. I'm just saying that for whatever reason, it is rare to find my brand of humor - which, by the way, welcomes awkward nerdiness, puns (good AND bad), corny jokes, good, intelligent wit, and even the occasional slightly ribald joke. So I laugh, but my brain may not be in it. To me, a good sense of humor is evidence of a sharp mind - one capable of both levity and thoughtful discussion on a variety of topics. I just can't figure out why it's been such a long time since I have really, truly laughed.
This morning I was thinking about this some more and it reminded me of a particular Grimm's fairy tale, the Boy Who Went Forth To Learn Fear. Follow the link to read the full version, but in short it's about a boy who is too "foolish" to know when to be afraid, but really he's just wise enough not to lose his wits when faced with all kinds of frightening creatures and challenges. In the end he wins riches and marries a princess, but still hasn't learned to shudder. At last, the only way he learns to shudder and shake is when his wife pours a bucket of minnows over him in his bed. I wonder. Am I a bit like the boy who went forth to learn fear? Instead of wanting to learn fear, I want to learn to laugh. Why can't anyone make me laugh, dangit? Am I too foolish to know how to laugh or is my foolishness actually protecting me from falling for a bunch of inflated egos and bland personalities? Even if my "foolishness" helps me meet a good guy, will he have to dump a bucket of fish over my head to get me to realize that love him?
I anticipate that this post might be met with any number of reactions. Let me just apologize if anything I say here is offensive. Keep in mind that I'm using this as a way of venting, so while it does reflect how I actually feel, I may or may not be exaggerating a thing or two for literary effect. (And let me just add here, that the picture above is just a silly illustration. I like nerds. I am a self-professed nerd, therefore, it would hardly behoove me to shun my own kind. I just desire the kind of nerd that can also make me genuinely laugh!) And I know that I might be "asking for it" here, but I'm really curious. What are your thoughts on my "little defect"? Do any of you deal with something similar?
21 comments:
One day you are going to meet the man of your dreams, who will look at you and say, "Let's put a smile on that face!" ... and then you'll realize that you should be careful what you wish for.
the shark frightens me to the point of nervous giggling. Nevertheless, It sounds like you're looking for a super cool, good-looking, successful nerd. Well... ?
Look no further:
http://theintvduals.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/doogie-howser-md.jpg
Aw. Doogie. Too bad he bats for the other team.
Fishing Cat will glady drop minnows on you.
I think we all suffer from a similar defect in one way or another. And by all of us I mean all of us single people that are reading your blog. And by all of us single people that are reading your blog, I mean that at least I suffer from a similar defect. And humor is part of what I demand and can't often find.
Interesting that all of these comments have come from guys.
Sharky - That truly is nervous giggle-inducing. YIPES!!
Walker Texas Ranger - At first I thought you were trying to offer yourself again...to which you know my response. Kudos on your actual solution!
Monsieur Grande Tête - I'm grateful that Fishing Cat always has my best interest in mind. It's nice to know I'm not alone.
I concur. I take laughs over looks any day. It's all in the way you snort your milk.
And kindness is good too.
I remember some guys at BYU had a bumper sticker that said, "No Fat Chicks". I was offended, but the equivalant bumper sticker on my car might read--"If you're not funny, you're not my hunny." (That sucked. Thank heaven men want me for my body and not my funny brain!)
I like that you use humor as a Criteria. That will last much longer than my own. I'm not saying I need to marry a professional athlete, but one who is able to throw a ball farther than I can, who can carry me without whining (yep, needs to be strong for that), and can at least hold his own respectably on a basketball court. I'd obviously prefer he be AMAZING at basketball...but hey, a girl can't be TOOOOOO choosy, right? Anyhow, back to point. It would be really nice if we could find those details that we like the most packaged up in a guy we are truly interested in being around....and then of course have them be interested back.
Men have discovered over the centuries that women require the presence of at least two of three basic categories to win their hearts.
Christina has explained the first, which is to be entertaining, which often equals humor. This is no small attribute to develop unless the woman is easily entertained by crudeness or caustic sarcasm, because he has to be broadly educated and intelligent to find true humor in any given situation.
The second is money or at least the appearance of being able to take care of the lady. Yes it sounds cheap, but it's really not. They should be able to take care of the family's needs and just wants.
The third is height. This is subconsciously related to the second. Actually all are related and can substitute each other.
Having all three is best but having two of the three in prominence will do.
You can probably be especially difficult for the general male population because you have a broad life experience, education and sharp wit. Not to mention your expectations of morality and religiosity. All of that is very intimidating to the average guy who is not entirely sure of himself. How can anyone entertain you when they can't even approach your resume? You need to meet some rocket scientists or oncologists.
Meh. Stop thinking about it so much. Just go pick one up at the grocery store. I believe they keep them in the toy aisle.
To Sakievich:
I have to say, I don't really care how much money the guys makes. I want him to have a job because it's just not attractive to live off of your parents. Frankly, I think because I have a job, I'm less concerned with whether the guy makes lots of money.
I can make my own money--I want the guy to make me laugh!
Uhhhh huh.
Eve - Amen to that. Funny can make a guy, whereas the lack of it, can break him for me. But let me stress again, it still has to be a compatible kind of funny. And let's hold out for the guys that want us for both our bodies AND our brains. (I know. I'll stop dreaming.)
Dani - Exactly. To each their own. You need to know what is important to you and then look for that guy. But that's only part of it, eh? He does have to be interested in you too - at the same time. Ah timing...my old nemesis.
Sakie-wackie - Intriguing thoughts. However my need for humor is not a mere cry for entertainment. Initially humor can certainly catch my attention, but that's not what I'm looking for in a partner. I want someone who can prove his intelligence and a healthy balance of priorities by his ability to use humor in, like you said, any given situation. If he can make a stressful situation lighter by carefully using humor, for instance, that is an attractive gift and one that is an indication of so much more than just his ability to entertain. Not using humor at the expense of other people, mind you. That's not cool. But yes, I agree that in order to accomplish any of this, intelligence is essential, I'm just not convinced that a formal education is required. Common sense and an appreciation for others can be enough.
As for the other two, like Eve, I don't need money. I would just like to know that he has ambition enough to get off his duff and do something to make his little corner of the world better and that he's doing something that makes him happy. But yes, the ability to subsist is rather important.
Height can be an awkward thing, but I don't know if I agree that it's a make or break criteria.
Thanks for your comments and compliments.
Wynne - I tried that. The sad thing is he broke before I could get him to marry me. Maybe grocery toys aren't durable enough.
Eve - Good points!
Masa, it always comes down to name calling with you...this why I spend so much time with my blankie, hiding under my desk and weeping.
Seriously, I think laughter is the only way to stay sane through a marital relationship. Finding someone you (yes, Christina, YOU) can laugh with is essential. Otherwise you might end up killing him, and what good would that do anyone?
Not that I'm saying you have a problem with offing people or anything.
Well, if you killed him and he had a nice, hefty life insurance policy...weeell...
This reminds me of MacDonald's "The Light Princess" in reverse.
Rather than seeing it as a "defect", I actually think it's great that you can be honest enough with yourself to recognize what you find important to you in a man. In my book, it's far better to know what you want and hold out for it than to settle for less than you want and regret it for the rest of your life.
You have a particularly amusing sense of humor and I have no doubt that it will eventually also attract the guy that can compliment your humor and, more importantly, satisfy your need for a good, deep and hearty laugh.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I know I put that bucket of minnows somewhere...
For me, the one thing I absolutely had to have in a man was height. My lowest limit was that he had to be at least 6'2". But then it turned out that Justin was only 6'0" and even though height was the #1 priority my ENTIRE LIFE, I realized that I could be quite happy with a shorty at a mere 6'0". My point: sometimes you never know what you really need and want until you meet him and it just works.
I'm with Wynne... and Bethany. Mine was "he had to be a member of the CHurch" and funny too... but the point is Ryan wasn't- and at first I almost didn't give him the chance. Now we're happily married with a beautiful/pinchable kid and have even been sealed in the temple. I've always told you to stop thinking so hard about it. I know you need to have things a certian way, and I too don't believe you should "settle". But like Bethany said sometimes you never know what you really need and want until you meet him/her and it just works. You might have to be the funny one, but maybe he'll provide or fill in the areas where you lack. It's called balance, and that is one of the most wonderful parts of a relationship. Amen. :)
Ahem... LOL,I can't wait to meet the guy who sweeps you off your feet.
My Criteria weren't so much about acceptables, but about nonacceptables:
#1 -- no one younger than me (especially not 4 and a half years)
#2 -- no one from Utah or Idaho (not even Blackfoot)
#3 -- No one still in college (in his second year? Seriously?)
#4 -- no one would would WANT to stay in Utah (and live in the shadow of the Lavell Edward's stadium)
#5 -- certainly no blonds because I'm soooo into tall, dark and handsome (at least I was for the first 26 years of my life)
#5 -- and absolutely no one from my mission (even if Elder Bradshaw is an amazing kisser.)
But I actually think humor is a good criteria and much more important than my silly useless list, LOL!
Hi Christina,
I stumbled over here from Ellouise's blog and have been so amused to read the post and the comments. Having been married for 40 of my 57 years (17 the first time and 23 this time) I guess I'm in the wrong neighborhood. BUT I work with a lot of single people in their mid-30's or older, and I see them making the same mistakes over and over. First mistake: make a list of what you do and don't want in a mate. You won't know until you've had a chance to listen to him (or her) and get to know the person inside. We've all heard it before, but it is so true--looks don't matter. Height doesn't matter. My first husband was 6 feet tall, dark and brooding, very sexy I thought at 16. But brooding ain't fun for 17 years, trust me. Mt second husband is 5'4 and funny as hell. He's a Vietnam vet so he has issues, but you know what? He's worth it. He listens to me, makes my tea in the morning and does the driving for storytelling trips along with countless other things that makes my life better. I try to do the same for him. There's no 50-50 to it. It's more like 110-110.
As a storyteller, I know that the most important thing I can do is listen. Everyone wants someone to hear them and to pay attention to them. The trick is to find someone who does the same for you.
I wish you luck and good fortune this year.
Honestly, how did I get to be so blessed with so many people w/ great insights and thoughtful responses? Thanks, everyone, for your comments. They made me laugh and they made my heart smile. I'm working on not being "married" to any particular criteria beyond the essential - strong, active member of the church, respectful priesthood holder, male, hard-working, good. I'll let you all know how that goes. :) In the meantime, I'll just enjoy the ride, shall I? I hope you all do too! I'd respond to everyone individually, but I kind of doubt that anyone is even going to go back and read this. Thanks, all the same for your comments!
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